Are people in Seattle really the least sexy people in America?

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Answered by: John, An Expert in the Living in Seattle and Tacoma Category
Yes, they are. How can that be? How can one of the most beautiful cities in America have the least sexy people?

One could blame the weather. Not that it literally rains all the time, but there are a lot of gray, misty days, and cool ones at that. Dealing with an umbrella for nine months out of the year gets to be such a hassle that locals tend to chuck them. Everyone just walks around with damp clothes and hair instead, probably because it's so much easier. The problem with that is that people have gotten lazy, and Seattle's collective sense of personal style has been driven down to its lowest common denominators: polar fleece and gor-tex. But that's not really it. The truth is that 'sexy' has much more to do with attitude than with clothes. I've known plenty of girls who could make a pair of gor-tex hiking boots look sexy, but I knew them all back in Georgia and Florida.Maybe Seattle people are too smart, too evolved, to be bothered with trying to look sexy. They probably like to think that's the case, but it's not that simple.

People in Seattle are the least sexy people in America because most of them didn't even lose their virginity until grad school. They like to think they are more evolved than the average American because they weren't shotgunning beers in middle school. They think they are progressive because they eat organic and ride their bikes everywhere, but what they don't understand is that their attitudes and opinions are often just as bigoted and unfair as the peoples' they claim to despise. So what if a suburban working-class girl buys a pair of $8 shorts at Wal-Mart? Chances are the girl from the burbs will be much more down to earth, much more earnest, and much more real. That's what sexy is, being authentic, not reciting what you think you are supposed to say. So what if she doesn't know who Howard Zinn is? I'd rather hang out with a girl who knows all the words to "Gimme Back My Bullets" anyway.

So Seattle has the least sexy people in America. But why? Sadly, it's their own fault. Seattle adults were at one time kids, but not necessarily the cool kids. They were the kids who were picked last for kickball and it made them insecure. Rather than overcome their situations, they endured them, and the resentment kept building. They became adults—and many of them are successful—but they didn't overcome their insecurity. Now, they're uptight as well. Despite its facade of progressive superiority, Seattle is actually quite bitter, and there ain't nothin' sexy about that.Men, given a choice between an uber-toned, but malnourished girl, whose idea of fun is reading yoga magazines, or a curvier girl who's a connoisseur of hot wings and beer, and whose idea of fun is throwing a stick to her dog, who would you chose?

Women, given a choice between a man who can't fix a flat without calling AAA, whose idea of fun is asking you to guess what his favorite Noam Chomsky book is, or a man who can re-tile the shower for you over the weekend, and whose idea of fun is drinking beer and cranking The Allman Brothers while he re-tiles the shower for you over the weekend, who would you choose?

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